Penny will be six months next week. It blows my mind. She is soooo much fun at this stage, and for the first time ever I’m really starting to wish time would stop.

She’s eating solids and loves everything. Rice cereal, sweet potatoes, acorn squash, the occasional banana, and pears. She’s in 6-9 month clothes with the length getting iffy on some of those pants. She’s taking good naps and is back to sleeping through the night. Her first tooth just came through on the bottom middle! She can sit up, she can roll over, and she loves playing with noisy toys now.

We had a really fun weekend celebrating Christmas with my parents and sisters’ family in town. Penny absolutely loved watching and playing with my sisters’ kids, and they were so good at playing gently and including her. Next week we’ll see the other side of the family, and I know she’s gonna love interacting with Matt’s nieces and nephews as well.

Our days have been busy hosting parties and guests, but this week it has started to calm down and we are back to the usual – laundry, errands, a trip to the library and out to pick up Matt’s Christmas gift. She continues to be great when I drag her all over kingdom come, although she hates riding in her carseat, which will make our drive to NJ next week very interesting.

For every rough night we have had in the past month with constipation and teething and growth spurts, we have three or four fabulous days together, and I still can’t believe how blessed I am to have her as my daily companion. When I realize that I am halfway to my breastfeeding goal (if I can make it that long! UGH!), I realize how quickly this first year really flies by. I have a feeling the second half will speed by even faster than the first with all her many upcoming milestones.

And as for her smile, well it just melts me.

From Daily Daguerreotype

We got about an inch and a half of snow yesterday. Which means school was cancelled yesterday and continues to be cancelled today. There is talk it will be cancelled tomorrow as well because of ice that might appear. It’s delightful for those of us who love snow and love being snowed in, but frustrating for the more practical set who meander around the house complaining that if this state actually cleaned off its roads appropriately, kids could go to school, and hours could be billed, and those grumpy people might actually be able to take some time off at the holidays.

As for me and Penelope, well… SNOW!

Yesterday we baked cookies and cleaned up the house after a terrific Christmas party on Saturday night. Today we will bake some more cookies and possibly zip out to the grocery store. But if not, that’s fine. I’ve got a fireplace and hot chocolate and a snuggly turtle with no need to really go out.

If Tennessee keeps up these cold and snowy winters that they’ve given us since we moved here a year and a half ago, I might just stay for life. Keep em comin’, Southern Comfort!

Today my tiny turtle turns five months old. This month might have been the most fun because she’s changed so dramatically in the past thirty days.

We started her on solid foods this month, and so far she is digging white rice cereal (hated the organic brown rice I tried to shove down her throat… go figure), bananas and squash. Next week I’m going to start her on sweet potatoes.

She can sit up unassisted for a few minutes now, but then falls over and is quite miserable. Each morning I have her practice sitting in her crib surrounded by pillows, and she seems to really enjoy being able to look out at the world.

My pediatrician chided me for not being more persistent about tummy time. Looks like my kid might roll back to front before front to back.

She is totally digging the dog, and the dog is totally digging her. Each morning when Berlin and I go to get Penny out of her crib there is much squeeing and wagging of tails. Berlin licks Penny from head to toe which seems to delight both of them. I am so happy Turtle is going to have a pup to grow up with.

The sleeping and napping seems to be getting slowly better now that she’s getting more solids in her. I am pretty hopeful that we’ll have a more recognizable schedule within the next few months.

And now for gratuitous pictures…

From Daily Daguerreotype

From Daily Daguerreotype

From Daily Daguerreotype

From Daily Daguerreotype

I don’t really know how to slowly ease my way into this post, so I’m just going to jump in. I’m still fleshing all of this out, so it will wind up being a brain dump that is not at all well thought out. Forgive me.

It’s hitting me like a ton of bricks. An understanding of my mom, and my sisters who are moms, and all the other moms I’ve ever bumped into. I remember looking at my mom thinking she was crazy because she poured her life into my sisters and me. Then when she became an empty nester she just found other people to pour her life into. What about pouring her energy into doing what SHE wanted?

And then my sisters – both stay at home moms. They talk of eventually going back to work after their kids are in school, but I could never really understand why they would just want to stay home with their kids and not have their own thing – a career – all for them.

And now I understand. Because pouring all of your energy into someone else, yes, can be draining. But you get so much more out of it than you ever get out of just pouring your energy into yourself. I wake up every day and live my day for Penny. Nearly everything is wrapped around what is best for her, what will grow her, what will challenge her, what will give her a warm, safe, loving home. I’m no longer all that interested in doing things to make me smile… I just want to see her smile.

It’s hitting me like a ton of bricks because I used to think people who lived like this were weird. I would get together with friends for coffee and they would sit and talk about their kids nonstop. I wondered what happened to their depth when kids came along. Where were the deep philosophical and political conversations we used to have? Suddenly I was just sitting listening to them talk about spit-up and poopy diapers. It seemed so weird.

But now I see that when you’ve gotten a taste of living your life for somebody else, you never ever ever want to go back to just living for you.

I thought I’d crave date night. I thought I’d crave girls night. I thought I’d crave time to sit and paint my toenails. But I don’t. I would rather spend a Friday night at home with my family watching Matt tickling Penny and making her giggle. It’s far superior to the latest blockbuster.

I’m sure in time she will become more challenging, and I will need more time alone to regroup. But I’m struck by the realization that I don’t feel like I need another identity – another aspect of life that’s just about me and me alone. I’m Penny’s mom and Matt’s wife and that definition is all I need.

Weird. It’s just weird. I never ever ever thought I’d enjoy it like this.

And I’m realizing that it doesn’t take kids to learn this lesson – they just force it on you. I wish I had learned this lesson when it was just Matt and me. How much more beautiful would those six years of our marriage have been if I had been spending every day pouring myself and my energy into loving and serving him instead of serving myself? It could have been really cool. And I can start doing that today, but it will be a bit more difficult since I have more balls to juggle in the air. Good thing we’ve got retirement one day.

I used to think my mom was kinda crazy pouring herself into us kids, then her own mom, and now her grandkids with very little energy directed to herself. And now I see that she can’t go back because pouring your life into other people is far more fulfilling. And man, do I respect her for that.

I’ve lost my own identity, and I never want it back.

One of my favorite parts of the upcoming holiday season is sending out Christmas cards. My list grows bigger each year since we keep on moving, and I keep on reconnecting with old friends on Facebook. I actually really love picking out cards, sometimes writing up a letter, and stuffing and mailing all of the cards. It’s a tradition my mom always took seriously, and somehow it has stuck.

This year I feel obligated to include a photo for the first time in a long time because we have something gorgeous and brag-worthy to show off. Need I remind you?

From Daily Daguerreotype

So I’m planning on putting together photo cards at Shutterfly. I’ve already convinced Matt that we need to get our Christmas tree as soon as we get home from Thanksgiving in NH so that we can decorate it and pose for a Christmas family photo shoot. Meanwhile I need to determine just which card I want to use.

I’m also going to make my Christmas shopping a bit easier this year by using my cute daughter’s smile to personalize a few gifts. Who wouldn’t be a sucker for Penelope smiling back at them from their cup of coffee?

My fingers are itching for that first cold night in December when I get to snuggle up on the couch in front of the fire with a cup of cocoa and start addressing envelopes. And then the fun of checking the mail those weeks before Christmas to find cards from my friends and family that wind up decking out one of our doors each year. I am jubilant just thinking about it!

* Many thanks to Sarah for tipping me off to Shutterfly’s Holiday Card blog promotion!

Ever have one of those weeks where it all just keeps on coming, and all you can do to survive is dream about vacations you’ll never be able to afford because all of your money from here til the end of time will be going towards your house and hospital bills?

I knew you would understand.

We have roots. The kind that get into your septic pipes, not the kind that make Jimmy Fallon think he’s actually kinda cool. So there goes a few thousand dollars.

And Matt shot his finger with a nail from his nailgun, so we were in the ER last night. He barely winced, which started a whole conversation about what a great EMT he would make. Guy’s made of steel. Meanwhile I was shaking like a leaf.

But before he was maimed he did this:

From Daily Daguerreotype

Which, frankly, is the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen. I spend a lot of time in my kitchen because cooking (and subsequently eating) is my favorite hobby. So I’ve spent a lot of time bent over this sink gazing into the ugly and dusty window gaps that are now beautifully covered!

When his finger has healed, and he feels up to picking up that nasty wasty nailgun again, he’ll add the top of the window trim that looks something like the top of these doors:

From Daily Daguerreotype

And then we’ll caulk, prime & paint her up, strip the window hardware, repaint the window, and it will be ready for the little curtain I plan on making.

It’s been a helluva weekend, but somehow just typing about these home renovations and our future plans has cheered me up.

That’s sick.