Because I’m putting off cleaning the toilet, but also feeling guilty for all of the Robert Pattinson interviews I’ve just watched online, I’m going to fill you in on a few books that I’ve read in the past few weeks. You also might be waiting for a little squirt to arrive on your doorstep courtesy of The Great Stork of Yore, so these books might help to keep you occupied.

Free-Range Kids, How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry) by Lenore Skenazy – I don’t really foresee reading a ton of parenting books over the next few years, which you might think is completely arrogant and crazy. But while I don’t have a clue what to do with your child sitting over there, I am fairly confident that raising my own kids is going to come pretty naturally. I have a strong instinct that I intend to listen to, and I’m married to someone who is pretty well-educated about childhood development. I also have been really blessed with having parents and inlaws that did a pretty darned good job of raising their kids, and I figure if I try to do most things the way they did I can’t screw it up too badly.

With all of that in mind, I was really interested in reading Free-Range Kids because I’ve read Lenore’s blog, and much of her emphasis is on old-school parenting. IE: Did our parents raise us to be serial killers? No. So what’s so very wrong with how we were parented? She’s against the helicopter parenting that is so prevalent these days, and really the takeaway from the book is to just let your kids get outside and run around a little more.

I was encouraged by her logical approach to TRUE crime statistics, and think I’ll probably try to raise Penny Cate to be a “free-range kid” as much as I can. Overall, I give the book a B+.

Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer – You knew it was coming. My dear friend Kiki gave me the first book when she was down visiting over Memorial Day weekend, and as soon as I started I couldn’t put it down. Then I went to Borders and picked up the next one, read it in a day, and headed to Kroger that evening to pick up Eclipse. I now understand the phenomenon.

People like these books for different reasons, some because they are into vampires and werewolves, others because they are hormonal teenagers who enjoy reading about other hormonal teenagers kissing. And then there are those of us who can totally relate to falling in love with someone who is completely out of their league, and it just doesn’t make sense that that person is returning the affection. I’ve decided that’s why I dig these books so much. They remind me of the year that I dated Matt before we got married. The year that he was THE Matt Hofmann in my mind. The year before he started burping at the dinner table and leaving his dirty socks on the bedroom floor.

The books themselves really don’t deserve a rating of anything more than a C+, which is fine by me because in college I was more than happy with the C’s I earned – too busy socializing to attend class or study. If you are a person who enjoyed college for the same reasons and can appreciate things that are fun for the sake of being fun, you will enjoy the Twilight books. You’d probably also enjoy them if you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. Also, Robert Pattinson is hot.

The Art of Dying: Living Fully into the Life to Come by Rob Moll - Yes. Really. I’m following Twilight with my brother in law’s new release. Because they couldn’t be more different.

I like this book, and not just because my brother in law slaved over it for the past few years. I just really like anyone who has the guts to talk about things that people, for the most part, are loathe to discuss. And death is one of those things.

At age 27, I haven’t spent a lot of time thinking about my own death, although I have experienced plenty of loss in my lifetime. This book helped me process through some of that loss and also to consider how to daily live with my mortality in mind. I don’t really know what else to say other than that you should read it yourself. I give the book a B+, mainly because it’s Rob’s first book and he’s gotta have room to go up, right?

We Are Doomed: Reclaiming Conservative Pessimism by John Derbyshire - I’m only halfway through this book, but I can’t put it down. John Derbyshire cracks me the heck up. Matt asked my mom for this book for Christmas, and after reading it told me that I HAD to read it next. So I am. And I just bought it for my dad for Father’s Day because it’s just that funny. Plus Derbyshire quotes from Albion’s Seed which my dad loves.

Those of you who know me in real life know that I’m, for all intents and purposes, a Libertarian. But my biggest beef with Libertarian politics is the same beef I have with Liberal politics (and actually the current wave of Conservatism too!) and that is an unrealistic Utopian optimism. That mankind is just inherently good enough to improve life for others, or to live and let live. Nice in theory, but fails in practice.

John Derbyshire takes a very practical, yet humorous pessimistic stance and explains why he feels that’s the best approach, and furthermore why the Right should head back to its pessimistic roots. So much of what he says flips my brain upside down, and with his addition of humor the book is quite enjoyable to read. I very much would appreciate if one of my more open-minded liberal friends would read this book so that I could have someone on the other side of the table to bounce my thoughts off of. Anyone? Anyone? I give Derbyshire a solid A on this one.

I don’t have anything else lined up after We Are Doomed, other than to read the fourth Twilight book which I refuse to buy since it’s only out on hardcover. But frankly I’m hoping Penelope arrives before I get to that point bringing my reading to a screeching halt. Or at least exchanging adult books for the much more preferable Dr. Seuss.

Y’all know I’m no expert and that I’m very much a first-timer. But I have loads of friends who are just now finishing up their first trimesters and letting the proverbial cats out of the bag. First of all, I’m super happy for you guys. And I promise to walk with you through pregnancy and not hand out unsolicited advice other than this… GET A MIDWIFE! Ok, I promise it’s out of my system now.

I read a ton of books about pregnancy, labor and delivery, even though I never really thought I would. I thought I would want to embrace the “Ignorance Is Bliss” philosophy, but after reading one, you just get sucked in over and over again!

So here are my book recommendations for whiling away the hours when you can’t sleep at night.

Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth – If you read NOTHING ELSE in your whole pregnancy, you will be fine after having read this book. You might go into it thinking she’s quacky, and with some of the stories and photos you might continue to feel that way. But stick it out and then tell me she’s a quack after finishing it all. For real, it will change your life. And you will likely feel capable of saving the world. Go for it!

Our Bodies, Ourselves: Pregnancy and Birth – I highly encourage you to read this book which is set up a bit more on a timeline ala “What To Expect When You’re Expecting” without all of the “YOU’RE GOING TO DIE!” and “YOUR BABY IS GOING TO DIE!” crap that What To Expect throws in there. Along those lines, don’t listen to ANYTHING that What To Expect says about miscarriage. They are big fat jerks and I want to kick them in the genitals. “Our Bodies, Ourselves” addresses what you need to know about miscarriage, and while we’re also on miscarriage can I please take a moment to shout from the rooftops that most women do not need D&Cs! Your doc might just schedule you for one routinely, but know that you probably do not need one unless you had a complicated or late miscarriage. Your body will take care of things fine on its own, and you’d rather be lying in your bed eating mac n cheese, weeping and playing cards with your mom than coming out of a druggy-invasive-procedure- fog. Just sayin.

You: Having a Baby – After the disasters that are Dr. Phil and Rachel Ray, it’s hard to believe that any made-famous-by-Oprah character could be any good. But Dr. Oz contributes to this fascinating book that tackles a lot of interesting genetic stuff regarding your baby. It’s the first thing I’ve read that relates honest information about the little truth we know regarding autism (AKA: not Jenny McCarthy’s lies). That’s of course not the focus of the book, but it discusses your pregnancy on a molecular level which is kinda fun. I wish I had read this earlier in my pregnancy, and you’ll want to read it as soon as you can, because it can help you get on a good, healthy path for the nine months ahead.

Finally, there was a beautiful book that my sister-in-law, Beth, showed me over Christmas and I sat down and read in its entirety at her dining room table. It’s a book on newborn care written by a Swedish author filled with stunning photography. I enjoyed every page of it, then came home and promptly read it again in the library. But Christmas was a long time ago, and I’ve forgotten the name of it, so I’m hoping Beth can fill us in on what it was. Pick up a copy just to look at the photos, if nothing else.

I’m venturing a guess that having babies is similar to getting a puppy, and the expecting moms I know were all puppy-owners at one time. (Of course experienced moms are going to say there are no similarities, but we all know it’s just because they don’t get enough sleep.) Before getting Berlin, I read a slew of books on puppy training and what to do and what not to do and hoped beyond hope that we’d have a well-behaved crate-trained little beauty. I also thought she’d never play fetch because of her anxiety. Well, the pup hates crates, but will sleep curled up on the floor next to us wherever we are all well-behaved-like. She never chews on furniture and would rather play fetch than eat, even. So all the book-learnin I acquired from the Monks did nearly jack squat for me. I think the fact of the matter is that your intuition and your unconditional love will win out in the end.

But still read the Ina May book.

I just got an awesome gift from Angie the other day, a book on how to make your own baby food. I dove right in and read, I think, half of it this past Sunday. Told a friend I was going to try to cloth diaper and make my own baby food, and she shot me down saying that I was trying to be a super-mom and had to lower my expectations of what was actually achievable when you are home all day with a baby. Um, how you say… disagree?

I’m excited to try my hand at making baby food because 1) I love to cook, 2) I love to save money, and 3) I think I have no excuse not to. I have fourty hours a week that I’m not in an office, so my full-time job will be taking care of Penelope and managing our budget. And by saving money on things like diapers (by cloth diapering) and home-pureed carrot grossness (by making it myself), I’m going to be able to buy plane tickets to visit my family, thankyouverymuch. Also, really? Do you recommend I spend that time watching General Hospital instead? Because is it just me or has Jax not aged a day in the past ten years? THAT’S believable!

So I picked up the book to find out just how complicated this whole making-your-own-baby-food thing really is. About halfway through Super Baby Food the author mentions that an ice cube is the perfect size for one portion of smashed up frozen veggies or fruit, and you just might want to pick up some more ice cube trays.

And here’s where I need to confess a sin. Nearly every apartment we have lived in has had a few ice cube trays in the freezer when we arrived. And when we moved out I took them – every single one. I am swimming in ice cube trays. In fact I’ve never actually purchased one. Only when we moved to Nashville did I finally have a fridge with an icemaker. But even after Matt installed said icemaker, I stashed my ice cube trays in the pantry cabinet, because guys, YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU’RE GOING TO NEED MORE ICE.

Just watch. Penny won’t want anything to do with food that doesn’t come in a Gerber screw-top jar. Something about karma?

This is part uno in my new series on The Ugly Politics of Parenting. Won’t this be a fun theme!?

Yesterday I sat down to type out the first draft of my birth plan, the culmination of lots of weeks worth of reading, researching, and talking to L/D nurses, midwives and doulas. A lot of my research wound up really turning me around positively on a number of issues. For instance, Matt and I think that next time around we’re going to attempt to have a home water birth if it’s not cost prohibitive (and if this first experience doesn’t change our minds); a type of labor and delivery I used to think was super crunchy crazy and quite possibly dangerous.

But just as I did more reading and learned more about how this natural process has always worked and how we have augmented it over the years, I became absolutely disgusted by parents. Yes, you heard me correctly. I had been forewarned, and had often seen with my own eyes that parents are the most judgmental self-destructive species alive. Mothers are made to feel inferior if they are unable to breastfeed. Women who experience drug-free births get off on thinking they’re Superwomen. Midwives are painted as tribal African medicine-men and OBs as heartless 9-5ers whose own nurses are frightened of them. And then there’s attachment parenting, and Ferbering, and stay at home moms versus working moms, and parents that wind up eating other parents alive at Chuck E Cheese playdates.

I don’t want to be a part of that. I don’t want that to be my identity. I don’t want to feel pressured to live up to a certain identity or label. I just want to do my research, make my decision, and have the freedom to change my mind. And I will change my mind. I haven’t even had the kid yet, and I’ve already changed my mind on a lot of things. And if that alienates me, then so be it. I’ll still have my best friend by my side who last night told me that he continues to be amazed at my maternal intuition about these things – quite possibly the greatest compliment he could ever give me.

So my plan has been written, and it’s a plan that I hope can be followed, but will not be devastated if it cannot. It’s based partially on my desire to allow my body the space to do what it was created to naturally do and feel the natural rush that goes along with that, and partially because I am more afraid of needles and surgery being inflicted upon me by people with multiple medical degrees and years of experience than I am of agonizing internal pain being inflicted upon me by wee little Penelope.

And I’m hoping that maybe, just maybe, I can be the tie that finally binds the two childbirthing philosophies together. Because the woman who will be saying “no” to interventions during labor as a way to experience the natural process will also say “HELL YEAH!” to general anesthesia in the event that she needs major abdominal surgery.

Call it hypocrisy, I choose to call it “reaching across the aisle.”

And with that I leave you this lovely video. Yes, I’m afraid our child will grow up with the entire Monty Python catalog if Matt has anything to do with it.

It’s been an awful day and it’s only 1:20. So I’m going to go all ostrich on you, and point you over to a new blog that I’m a huge fan of.

Sara, an old co-worker of mine, has started a fabulous new blog called More Than Merlot. She used to be a sommelier in Vegas, and let me tell you, she knows her stuff. Best of all, she recommends great wines that won’t dip into your failing 401k.

So check her out and enjoy learning about great wines!

My dear parents came out this past weekend to visit us… aka: to be put to work on the house. I was psyched to have my mom teach me how to wallpaper, as she’s kind of the expert on that. Think loud floral wallpaper popular in the 90s – yeah, she rocked that hard. Matt was also excited to have someone just as perfectionistic and detail oriented as himself, my dad, to help him measure and level the cabinets over and over again until they were just right.

Well, they were mostly right. We’re bumping into a few more errors thanks to IKEA, so we will wait a bit longer than we had hoped to finish up the cabinets. But we were very pleased with all that got accomplished this weekend. Enough jabbering, here are some photos of the work we accomplished this weekend, the guys hanging cabinets, and the girls hanging wallpaper. Also, HOW CUTE is the yellow bird wallpaper? Thanks, Caitlin, for the tip-off!

Also, a HUGE THANK YOU to my parents for all their help this weekend. Eight hands made lighter work, for sure.

Installing Cabinets:

From Daily Daguerreotype

From Daily Daguerreotype

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From Daily Daguerreotype

From Daily Daguerreotype

From Daily Daguerreotype

From Daily Daguerreotype

From Daily Daguerreotype

Hanging Wallpaper:

From Daily Daguerreotype

From Daily Daguerreotype

From Daily Daguerreotype

From Daily Daguerreotype

From Daily Daguerreotype

This room off the kitchen used to house more kitchen cabinets and the refrigerator. We’re going to turn it into the laundry room. We started by laying liner paper which was a PAIN IN THE BUTT. But we were papering directly on plywood, so felt it would make a smooth surface. The next day we started papering the birds, after realizing we wouldn’t have enough to go around the whole room. So wainscoting will go 2/3 of the way up the wall, and will be painted gray with a white chair rail. I’ll also be adding wainscoting to the ceiling and painting it white. The area on the wall that we wallpapered around will have the hanging cabinets that the previous owners had up. I’m just going to paint them white. Then underneath the cabinets will be the washer and dryer. I think it will be nifty when it’s done, though it may take a while. But that’s fine, cause Matt needs time to grow to love the birdcage wallpaper!

We also got the chance to assemble our new table and chairs for the breakfast nook. We only got two chairs, because the table will slide into a corner where Matt is going to build us a built-in bench for more seating and under-seat storage.

From Daily Daguerreotype

And that pretty much gets you up to date.