She’s eating solids and loves everything. Rice cereal, sweet potatoes, acorn squash, the occasional banana, and pears. She’s in 6-9 month clothes with the length getting iffy on some of those pants. She’s taking good naps and is back to sleeping through the night. Her first tooth just came through on the bottom middle! She can sit up, she can roll over, and she loves playing with noisy toys now.

We had a really fun weekend celebrating Christmas with my parents and sisters’ family in town. Penny absolutely loved watching and playing with my sisters’ kids, and they were so good at playing gently and including her. Next week we’ll see the other side of the family, and I know she’s gonna love interacting with Matt’s nieces and nephews as well.

Our days have been busy hosting parties and guests, but this week it has started to calm down and we are back to the usual – laundry, errands, a trip to the library and out to pick up Matt’s Christmas gift. She continues to be great when I drag her all over kingdom come, although she hates riding in her carseat, which will make our drive to NJ next week very interesting.

For every rough night we have had in the past month with constipation and teething and growth spurts, we have three or four fabulous days together, and I still can’t believe how blessed I am to have her as my daily companion. When I realize that I am halfway to my breastfeeding goal (if I can make it that long! UGH!), I realize how quickly this first year really flies by. I have a feeling the second half will speed by even faster than the first with all her many upcoming milestones.

And as for her smile, well it just melts me.

From Daily Daguerreotype

It’s hitting me like a ton of bricks. An understanding of my mom, and my sisters who are moms, and all the other moms I’ve ever bumped into. I remember looking at my mom thinking she was crazy because she poured her life into my sisters and me. Then when she became an empty nester she just found other people to pour her life into. What about pouring her energy into doing what SHE wanted?

And then my sisters – both stay at home moms. They talk of eventually going back to work after their kids are in school, but I could never really understand why they would just want to stay home with their kids and not have their own thing – a career – all for them.

And now I understand. Because pouring all of your energy into someone else, yes, can be draining. But you get so much more out of it than you ever get out of just pouring your energy into yourself. I wake up every day and live my day for Penny. Nearly everything is wrapped around what is best for her, what will grow her, what will challenge her, what will give her a warm, safe, loving home. I’m no longer all that interested in doing things to make me smile… I just want to see her smile.

It’s hitting me like a ton of bricks because I used to think people who lived like this were weird. I would get together with friends for coffee and they would sit and talk about their kids nonstop. I wondered what happened to their depth when kids came along. Where were the deep philosophical and political conversations we used to have? Suddenly I was just sitting listening to them talk about spit-up and poopy diapers. It seemed so weird.

But now I see that when you’ve gotten a taste of living your life for somebody else, you never ever ever want to go back to just living for you.

I thought I’d crave date night. I thought I’d crave girls night. I thought I’d crave time to sit and paint my toenails. But I don’t. I would rather spend a Friday night at home with my family watching Matt tickling Penny and making her giggle. It’s far superior to the latest blockbuster.

I’m sure in time she will become more challenging, and I will need more time alone to regroup. But I’m struck by the realization that I don’t feel like I need another identity – another aspect of life that’s just about me and me alone. I’m Penny’s mom and Matt’s wife and that definition is all I need.

Weird. It’s just weird. I never ever ever thought I’d enjoy it like this.

And I’m realizing that it doesn’t take kids to learn this lesson – they just force it on you. I wish I had learned this lesson when it was just Matt and me. How much more beautiful would those six years of our marriage have been if I had been spending every day pouring myself and my energy into loving and serving him instead of serving myself? It could have been really cool. And I can start doing that today, but it will be a bit more difficult since I have more balls to juggle in the air. Good thing we’ve got retirement one day.

I used to think my mom was kinda crazy pouring herself into us kids, then her own mom, and now her grandkids with very little energy directed to herself. And now I see that she can’t go back because pouring your life into other people is far more fulfilling. And man, do I respect her for that.

I’ve lost my own identity, and I never want it back.

This year I feel obligated to include a photo for the first time in a long time because we have something gorgeous and brag-worthy to show off. Need I remind you?

From Daily Daguerreotype

So I’m planning on putting together photo cards at Shutterfly. I’ve already convinced Matt that we need to get our Christmas tree as soon as we get home from Thanksgiving in NH so that we can decorate it and pose for a Christmas family photo shoot. Meanwhile I need to determine just which card I want to use.

I’m also going to make my Christmas shopping a bit easier this year by using my cute daughter’s smile to personalize a few gifts. Who wouldn’t be a sucker for Penelope smiling back at them from their cup of coffee?

My fingers are itching for that first cold night in December when I get to snuggle up on the couch in front of the fire with a cup of cocoa and start addressing envelopes. And then the fun of checking the mail those weeks before Christmas to find cards from my friends and family that wind up decking out one of our doors each year. I am jubilant just thinking about it!

* Many thanks to Sarah for tipping me off to Shutterfly’s Holiday Card blog promotion!

We were graciously gifted with tons of books from friends and family, so we have a lot to choose from. But Pen and I have been taking trips to the library that I think will become a weekly affair to bulk up the stash. It’s also a great excuse to hang out with the ever-lovely and ever-flamboyant “Mr. Brian” who does children’s story hour, and whom we bumped into at the grocery store the other day. I love my neighborhood.

Here are my favorite kids books so far, in no particular order.

The Hound From The Pound – Auntie Gina and Uncle Adam gave Penny this book and OHMYWORD do I love it!?! Great story, great writing, lovely illustrations. Perfect for the teeny tiny turtle in your life who is growing up with lots of puppy love.

Papa, Do You Love Me? – Auntie Clarissa and Uncle Rob gave Penny this book along with its counterpart, Mama, Do You Love Me? It’s really hard to say which of the two I prefer, although I think I love the Papa version a teeny bit more because of the beautiful African animals illustrated. Both books are filled with interesting cultural references (African and Inuit) and absolutely stunning images. We have one in softcover and the other is a board book, which I adore since Penny will be able to enjoy the sweet stories both gnawing on the cardboard pages and learning to read.

Snuggle Puppy – Aunt Beth and Uncle Brent gave Penny this book with a whole slew of other Boynton board books. They are all pretty comical and enjoyable, but Snuggle Puppy is probably my favorite as it’s set as a song. Matt and I actually came up with pretty similar tunes separately, which was fun to discover. And now we go around singing Snuggle Puppy to Tiny Turtle regularly. It really gets stuck in your head.

Hush! – Matt found this book at a church book sale and bought it for (I think) a dollar. Best dollar spent EVER. Gorgeous illustrations and some really fun animal sounds you get to make. Yes, I’m a sucker for books with animal sounds.

I Had Trouble In Getting To Solla Sollew – Penelope and I picked this up at the library, and were quite interested as we had never heard of this Seuss book. It’s now one of my favorites, although not at all the right age for my daughter quite yet. Like a classic Ben Stiller movie, things get dramatically worse as the story progresses until finally the narrator realizes that the grass isn’t always greener and contentment in one’s current place is important. And of course wonderful, imaginative illustrations and language.

I’m sure there will be another roundup soon. What are your favorite kids books?

From Daily Daguerreotype

Guess I should have thought ahead and put her in a green or blue diaper. My bad.

There is also nothing in the universe Matt loves as much as giraffes. Except maybe… space.

From Daily Daguerreotype

Happy One Month Birthday, Penelope! And thanks to Auntie D for the adorable jumper!

My baby will be two weeks old tomorrow, and let me tell you, the time freaking flies. I’ve been wanting to blog, you know, with pictures and all, but somewhere between the millions of guests (seriously, I had no idea we had this many friends!) and the endless pediatrician appointments (Baby Girl is up to 8 lbs 7 oz already!) I completely forgot about the fact that I have a blog. I also didn’t care that our wifi wasn’t working for about a week.

But now that the visitors have all gone, and I actually have time to sit down and stare at my baby and learn each and every one of her facial expressions, I am torn between my desire to write about it and tell the world how stinkin cute she is, and my desire to just sit there some more… staring at her face and kissing her toes.

I can only sum up the past two weeks by saying that the first week was me in survival mode. Surviving from a long labor and abdominal surgery, and trying to share my girl with all the people who came to see her and not be one of THOSE moms. The second week was me crashing down from the week before, which I survived purely on adrenaline. So I slept, and I snuggled her, and we went to appointments, and came home and napped because we were so exhausted.

But now… this part right now… this is what I was living for during the past nine months of pregnancy. I have a load of darks in the washing machine. The dishwasher is going and my kitchen is clean. I just changed the sheets on our bed since Penny peed on them this morning. And now I’m sitting at the dining room table checking my email for what feels like the first time in weeks, and staring at my daughter who is sitting in her bouncy seat on the dining room table. (I was totally one of those people who saw children placed precariously on things like counters and dining room tables in all manner of infant seats and thought, “OMG THEY ARE GOING TO DIE!” And now I am one of those people who does it because I have tried bending over, and the pain from my incision makes me scream, “OMG I AM GOING TO DIE!”)

I can’t begin to tell you how in love with her I am, and it all would just sound so cliche if I tried. I’m kinda waiting for the Baby Blues or the dreaded post-partum hormones to kick in and make me hate everything, including The Rolling Stones. But it hasn’t happened yet. In fact, each day I wake up and I like her more than I did the day before. I know her more than the day before. And I would chop off an even more important body part of mine for her than I would have the day before. The crying jags that I’ve had seem to be about two things. The first being my frustration at how slow recovering from a C-section can be – my desire to be up and about and taking my girl to the zoo is just that strong. And the second is when I realize yet again how blessed I am that I’m going to be a Stay At Home Mom. I just weep in Matt’s arms and thank him incessantly for making it possible for me to spend each and every day just hanging out with Penny. My life is great, internet. It really truly is.

So that’s what Penny’s first two weeks have been for me. As for her, she is growing like a weed. She loves to eat, and does it well. She takes a bottle and a pacifier and her mother’s cowlike teet all equally well. She sleeps wonderfully – last night gave us a 5 hour chunk before quietly whimpering for a diaper change and… maybe a snack, please? She even took her first Hep B shot like a champ this morning which leads me to believe she has her father’s medical disposition.

But right now? Right now it’s time for me to feed her again, so we’re going to head to her room to sit in the rocker for a half an hour of uninterrupted time, just me and my girl. And I think this time I’ll sing some Michael Jackson to her.

The midwife sent me home with the edict to spend the weekend doing nothing but the thing that got me into this mess to begin with. Matt had an evil glint in his eye. Boy is embracing midwifery more and more each visit.

41 weeks is no more uncomfortable than 40 weeks or 39, or 38. Would I love to be holding my baby girl this very moment? Absolutely. But I continue to be tickled pink that I have a team of care providers who are really in my court – ones who feel induction at this stage is unnecessary unless Penny was not responding well to the tests. I have until Monday before I go in for more tests, and should we pass those I’ll have until 42 weeks before they will plan induction.

A lot of people have asked me why I don’t just go ahead and get induced anyway. Aren’t I uncomfortable? Wouldn’t I rather just get the inconvenient waiting over with? I so appreciate that they understand how non fun it is being this pregnant for this long, but I truly believe that my babe will come when God wants her to come. Getting her out for my own comfort seems a bit… selfish, no? I want her arrival into the world to be the God-ordained, natural process that it is supposed to be.

Plus if I do this laboring according to my brilliant plan, I can come out the other end without once being touched with a needle.

So a big thank you to all of our dear friends and family who are inundating us with love, support and encouragement. As Tom Petty so correctly put it, “the waiting is the hardest part.” But I am having so much fun spending these last few weeks with Matt, and am really happy that my care providers are giving me the (very normal and healthy for a first-time mom) extra time for Penelope to make her way into the world.

Scuse me… I just got a rascally wink. Duty calls.

This week has been one where I have felt very blessed by the friends and acquaintances in my life. My house is bursting with fresh flowers that have been given to me all week long. A chair in our living room is covered in gifts that I need to write thank-you notes for. My email inbox is overflowing with messages from people who are thinking of us, praying for us, and telling me to hang in there for the next few miserable days until she arrives. I am truly blessed.

A few months ago, our pastor called Penny our “Blessing Baby” when referring to her in conversation. I found it moderately cheesy, but in actuality she really, truly is. Even yesterday as I moaned to Matt about how sore I was, I still got giddy thinking about how she is now fully formed – fully ready to live in the outside world. Perfectly knit together. And more Matt for me to love.

I want her so badly. I have wanted her so badly since what feels like forever ago. I am eager to have her radically change my life. I am ready for her to stress me out. I am dying to be her mama and take care of her every need. I can’t wait to see what she accomplishes in her life and how she changes the world.

And as I write all of this I am astonished by what I’m saying. I’m floored that I have become this person – this person who just cannot wait to go through labor and delivery and get to the other side where I’m holding my tiny baby girl in my arms. I never thought I would be this person. I never thought I’d admit it even if I became this person. Although, I still wouldn’t be all that disappointed if a puppy came out instead.

While I’m incredibly impatient and can hardly go ten minutes without thinking “WHEN THE FLIP IS SHE GOING TO MAKE HER APPEARANCE, ALREADY!?!” I am trying to kick back and enjoy the last two weeks of our lives as we know them. I’m trying to get and keep my house in order. I’m trying to look at Matt as my best friend and partner in crime, not just my Baby Daddy. I’m trying not to kill the cat for making me have to vacuum daily.

But I sure wouldn’t mind if the next two weeks flew by in double time.

As I prepare to drive out of town, we’re having a delicious Tennessee thunderstorm. When I moved here last year I was blown away by the thunder and lighting, and every time it rains like this I’m tempted to break out 1980s Eric Clapton and dance around until the power goes out. Don’t ask. I just love it that much.

While I hunker down for girl time in the rain this weekend, Matt will be busy working on the second floor and told me that he intends to have it basically finished by the time I get home. “Basically finished” means all the painting except the trim. I won’t hold him to it, in case he decides to spend all day tomorrow in front of the TV watching scary movies about space exploration that I would never put up with. But the thought of coming home to a completed upstairs makes this pregnant woman ready and willing to head straight into labor and delivery.

I hope you have a glorious weekend that involves either chocolate or space exploration – whichever is more your gig.