Penny will be six months next week. It blows my mind. She is soooo much fun at this stage, and for the first time ever I’m really starting to wish time would stop.

She’s eating solids and loves everything. Rice cereal, sweet potatoes, acorn squash, the occasional banana, and pears. She’s in 6-9 month clothes with the length getting iffy on some of those pants. She’s taking good naps and is back to sleeping through the night. Her first tooth just came through on the bottom middle! She can sit up, she can roll over, and she loves playing with noisy toys now.

We had a really fun weekend celebrating Christmas with my parents and sisters’ family in town. Penny absolutely loved watching and playing with my sisters’ kids, and they were so good at playing gently and including her. Next week we’ll see the other side of the family, and I know she’s gonna love interacting with Matt’s nieces and nephews as well.

Our days have been busy hosting parties and guests, but this week it has started to calm down and we are back to the usual – laundry, errands, a trip to the library and out to pick up Matt’s Christmas gift. She continues to be great when I drag her all over kingdom come, although she hates riding in her carseat, which will make our drive to NJ next week very interesting.

For every rough night we have had in the past month with constipation and teething and growth spurts, we have three or four fabulous days together, and I still can’t believe how blessed I am to have her as my daily companion. When I realize that I am halfway to my breastfeeding goal (if I can make it that long! UGH!), I realize how quickly this first year really flies by. I have a feeling the second half will speed by even faster than the first with all her many upcoming milestones.

And as for her smile, well it just melts me.

From Daily Daguerreotype

I don’t really know how to slowly ease my way into this post, so I’m just going to jump in. I’m still fleshing all of this out, so it will wind up being a brain dump that is not at all well thought out. Forgive me.

It’s hitting me like a ton of bricks. An understanding of my mom, and my sisters who are moms, and all the other moms I’ve ever bumped into. I remember looking at my mom thinking she was crazy because she poured her life into my sisters and me. Then when she became an empty nester she just found other people to pour her life into. What about pouring her energy into doing what SHE wanted?

And then my sisters – both stay at home moms. They talk of eventually going back to work after their kids are in school, but I could never really understand why they would just want to stay home with their kids and not have their own thing – a career – all for them.

And now I understand. Because pouring all of your energy into someone else, yes, can be draining. But you get so much more out of it than you ever get out of just pouring your energy into yourself. I wake up every day and live my day for Penny. Nearly everything is wrapped around what is best for her, what will grow her, what will challenge her, what will give her a warm, safe, loving home. I’m no longer all that interested in doing things to make me smile… I just want to see her smile.

It’s hitting me like a ton of bricks because I used to think people who lived like this were weird. I would get together with friends for coffee and they would sit and talk about their kids nonstop. I wondered what happened to their depth when kids came along. Where were the deep philosophical and political conversations we used to have? Suddenly I was just sitting listening to them talk about spit-up and poopy diapers. It seemed so weird.

But now I see that when you’ve gotten a taste of living your life for somebody else, you never ever ever want to go back to just living for you.

I thought I’d crave date night. I thought I’d crave girls night. I thought I’d crave time to sit and paint my toenails. But I don’t. I would rather spend a Friday night at home with my family watching Matt tickling Penny and making her giggle. It’s far superior to the latest blockbuster.

I’m sure in time she will become more challenging, and I will need more time alone to regroup. But I’m struck by the realization that I don’t feel like I need another identity – another aspect of life that’s just about me and me alone. I’m Penny’s mom and Matt’s wife and that definition is all I need.

Weird. It’s just weird. I never ever ever thought I’d enjoy it like this.

And I’m realizing that it doesn’t take kids to learn this lesson – they just force it on you. I wish I had learned this lesson when it was just Matt and me. How much more beautiful would those six years of our marriage have been if I had been spending every day pouring myself and my energy into loving and serving him instead of serving myself? It could have been really cool. And I can start doing that today, but it will be a bit more difficult since I have more balls to juggle in the air. Good thing we’ve got retirement one day.

I used to think my mom was kinda crazy pouring herself into us kids, then her own mom, and now her grandkids with very little energy directed to herself. And now I see that she can’t go back because pouring your life into other people is far more fulfilling. And man, do I respect her for that.

I’ve lost my own identity, and I never want it back.

One of my favorite parts of the upcoming holiday season is sending out Christmas cards. My list grows bigger each year since we keep on moving, and I keep on reconnecting with old friends on Facebook. I actually really love picking out cards, sometimes writing up a letter, and stuffing and mailing all of the cards. It’s a tradition my mom always took seriously, and somehow it has stuck.

This year I feel obligated to include a photo for the first time in a long time because we have something gorgeous and brag-worthy to show off. Need I remind you?

From Daily Daguerreotype

So I’m planning on putting together photo cards at Shutterfly. I’ve already convinced Matt that we need to get our Christmas tree as soon as we get home from Thanksgiving in NH so that we can decorate it and pose for a Christmas family photo shoot. Meanwhile I need to determine just which card I want to use.

I’m also going to make my Christmas shopping a bit easier this year by using my cute daughter’s smile to personalize a few gifts. Who wouldn’t be a sucker for Penelope smiling back at them from their cup of coffee?

My fingers are itching for that first cold night in December when I get to snuggle up on the couch in front of the fire with a cup of cocoa and start addressing envelopes. And then the fun of checking the mail those weeks before Christmas to find cards from my friends and family that wind up decking out one of our doors each year. I am jubilant just thinking about it!

* Many thanks to Sarah for tipping me off to Shutterfly’s Holiday Card blog promotion!

I do a lot of reading to Penny. Sure, I want her to be all smahht and whatnot, but it’s mostly because when you spend 12 hours a day with a four month old, you gots to come up with things to fill in the time.

We were graciously gifted with tons of books from friends and family, so we have a lot to choose from. But Pen and I have been taking trips to the library that I think will become a weekly affair to bulk up the stash. It’s also a great excuse to hang out with the ever-lovely and ever-flamboyant “Mr. Brian” who does children’s story hour, and whom we bumped into at the grocery store the other day. I love my neighborhood.

Here are my favorite kids books so far, in no particular order.

The Hound From The Pound – Auntie Gina and Uncle Adam gave Penny this book and OHMYWORD do I love it!?! Great story, great writing, lovely illustrations. Perfect for the teeny tiny turtle in your life who is growing up with lots of puppy love.

Papa, Do You Love Me? – Auntie Clarissa and Uncle Rob gave Penny this book along with its counterpart, Mama, Do You Love Me? It’s really hard to say which of the two I prefer, although I think I love the Papa version a teeny bit more because of the beautiful African animals illustrated. Both books are filled with interesting cultural references (African and Inuit) and absolutely stunning images. We have one in softcover and the other is a board book, which I adore since Penny will be able to enjoy the sweet stories both gnawing on the cardboard pages and learning to read.

Snuggle Puppy – Aunt Beth and Uncle Brent gave Penny this book with a whole slew of other Boynton board books. They are all pretty comical and enjoyable, but Snuggle Puppy is probably my favorite as it’s set as a song. Matt and I actually came up with pretty similar tunes separately, which was fun to discover. And now we go around singing Snuggle Puppy to Tiny Turtle regularly. It really gets stuck in your head.

Hush! – Matt found this book at a church book sale and bought it for (I think) a dollar. Best dollar spent EVER. Gorgeous illustrations and some really fun animal sounds you get to make. Yes, I’m a sucker for books with animal sounds.

I Had Trouble In Getting To Solla Sollew – Penelope and I picked this up at the library, and were quite interested as we had never heard of this Seuss book. It’s now one of my favorites, although not at all the right age for my daughter quite yet. Like a classic Ben Stiller movie, things get dramatically worse as the story progresses until finally the narrator realizes that the grass isn’t always greener and contentment in one’s current place is important. And of course wonderful, imaginative illustrations and language.

I’m sure there will be another roundup soon. What are your favorite kids books?

Penny and I are off to shop for fabric, so I figured I oughtta dress her up all smart-like in her adorable Uff Da dress. Emily makes these adorable dresses as well as bibs, hair clips and hats which are all for sale in her Etsy shop. Buyer beware: you are going to want everything in that shop.

From Daily Daguerreotype

Guess I should have thought ahead and put her in a green or blue diaper. My bad.

Is there anything cuter than a baby giraffe? I submit there is not.

There is also nothing in the universe Matt loves as much as giraffes. Except maybe… space.

From Daily Daguerreotype

Happy One Month Birthday, Penelope! And thanks to Auntie D for the adorable jumper!