Over the past few weeks, really since we found out that we were going to have a girl, I’ve been doing a lot of reading and thinking and pondering my upcoming identity change. Half of me is really excited about the new aspect of being a mom, and being a mom to a little girl. I’ll brag. I think I’m going to be a good mom because I’ve noticed that the best moms are actually the ones who were never baby snatchers to begin with. Something having to do with maternal separation anxiety. I’m sure Matt has a psychological term for this. But then there’s the other half of me who is cautiously preparing myself for the myriad challenges ahead.

There are so many things that will make this shift to motherhood a challenge. I’ll have to live more selflessly than I ever have before. I’ll have to give more of myself to someone and find inherent reward in doing that – no thank yous or pats on the back from the little nugget. In fact, I’ll wind up having my love and selflessness responded to with grumbles, frowns, tears and “I hate you!” (Assuming she has any of my DNA.)

I’ll also deal with new social challenges that I haven’t faced before – kids who pick on my kid, the constant competitiveness and judgment of other moms, and my own expectations or hopes being shattered.

In preparing for this new identity, I’m realizing that it’s pretty similar to the change that happens when you get married (or perhaps committing yourself to a life partner… to be all equal opportunity whatnot). On the one hand, you learn who you really are and, hopefully, increase in confidence. But on the other hand, you realize your personality baggage to the fullest and need to make steps towards becoming a better person. Both of those things, growing your confidence in who you inherently are, and making changes towards being a better person are strangely tough. And I think that while you’re on that journey, the people who have always loved you will continue to love you, and the people who have always hated you will continue to hate you.

Which is actually pretty encouraging. I mean, I’m cool with the people who hate me. And I’m becoming increasingly thankful for the people in my life who have always loved me and will continue to love me even as I evolve out of the box I used to live in. And then there are those new friends – that new community of people who are loving on me and supporting me because they can see the trajectory my life is about to take. Maybe they see my potential as a mom? Or just as a person on a journey.

I automatically like those people a lot. Because there’s nothing I love more than new people and new experiences laced with potential. And whooo-boy, aren’t we in for a new experience!?

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 11th, 2010 at 7:34 pm and is filed under Babies!, Family, Little Friend, Preggers, friends. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.